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Last night the meeting topic was On willingness. I havent quite got over myself yet cuz i have a hard time speaking in front of large crowds lol, but anyway i didnt say what i really wanted to say. Plus this may help someone who's been trying or thinking about getting sober. I was the hardest headed fool on the block. U couldnt give me any good advice at all! If it was about anything other than lining my pockets or making me feel good then i didnt wanna hear it. I did exactly what i wasnt supposed to do! I tried for over 20 yrs to figure out why the 12 step program wouldnt work for me. I made myself believe i was one of the unfortunates. Truth was i wasnt uncapable of getting honest thank God, i just wasnt willing. I wasnt willing to be willing to do anything other than look out for ME! I was in a dilemma. Having to make a choice between two equally undesirable alternatives, get clean or stay in the madness. I was broken in so many ways. Spiritually i was empty. Physically i was in bad shape. Mentally i was absolutely crazy, no doubt about it. Emotionally i was numb. By the time i got to pathway i was willing to take some good suggestions. I became willing over a short time to find my HP and submit. I had become willing to quit fighting and surrender. Im truly grateful and continue to pray for the willingness to stay willing to pursue this Grace freely given to me. And to carry this message that there is Hope. Dont give up! Keep coming back!

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